I enjoy shopping at Target. It is one of my vices (along with reading my weekly smut, a.k.a., US Weekly and circling all the things in Vogue I want but would never wear) because I can roam the store and find nearly a dozen reasons why I need everything in there. I was in there today, and instead of buying the store, I managed to pull one of my patented fake-out moves instead.
In law school, I never spoke up unless I knew exactly what I was talking about and that I was 100% sure I had the right answer. Because of this, I would concentrate my attention fully on some obscure law because I knew I would end up being the only one volunteering during class. This led people to believe I was actually much smarter than I was, and the fake-out move saved me from being called on in the future.
I also use this fake-out move in every day life; today, for instance, in Target. I was wandering down the aisle, when an old man kindly moved out of my way so I could get to the Tylenol. He smiled and said, "I'll let you go, even though I normally wouldn't do it for a Yankees fan." I, of course, was wearing Jeremy's Yankee hat.
For some reason or another, this old man took it upon himself to say "your Yankees aren't doing too well this year, are they?"
Now, I love sports. I also absolutely hate it when people wear hats of teams they know nothing about just because it's "fashionable." However, my knowledge of sports is limited to surface facts (i.e., the Yankees play in New York; the Mets do, too), and I almost panicked that I would appear to this man as one of those nit wit girls that wears Yankee hats because Derek Jeter looks hot in uniform.
I was saved because of my fake-out move and the fact that Jeremy is an atlas for sports information. He knows who hit the third homerun in the second game of the 18th World Series. He knows what size shoe Brett Favre wears and how fast Jerry Rice can run the mile. Seriously. Obscure, crazy stuff. When he talks sports, I tend to zone in on the less intricate details of sports news. Like, that the Yankees pitching is going down the shitter. Which I said to the old man.
The old man seemed impressed with me, and proceeded to talk to me further. The only other tidbit of knowledge I had pertaining to the Yankees had something to do with Roger Clements and the fact that he was getting a boatload of money, so I said "I don't think paying Roger Clements $1million a game will help."
I think the old man was in love with me at this point. Apparently, that was completely relevant to what we were talking about. Then, sadly, his wife pulled him to another aisle. He waved goodbye to me. We were kindred spirits at that point.
I'm not sure the fake-out move will help me on the bar, so off for more studying.
